[x]

Does that make me Different?I wear make up. Does that make me fake?
I cry. Does that make me emo?
I have male friends. Does that make me slutty?
I smile a lot. Does that make me weird?
I laugh loud. Does that make me preppy?
I have anxiety. Does that make me a freak?
I have Bipolar Disorder. Does that make me abnormal?
I respect people. I change for me, and only me. I have a past, but I know I have a future.
Does that make me different?
Maybe.
But at least it makes me
Me.

FrostbiteNumbness
I can’t feel my toes and at first I think
It’s just my toes.
I can cover them up.
I can warm them.

It spreads, like fire,
Like ice.
I glance away for a second, it seems, and my feet are cold
Pat –pat
That’s funny, I didn’t feel that
Maybe I’ll cover them up too
I’ll warm them up.

I’ll take a nap
Maybe a short rest will make it all better, warm them
Up…
What’s that? How long has it been?
My legs… are you still mine..
Why has my breath left me, short?
Has everything but deserted me?

What about you, are you still here?
Are you still with me?
Hello?
And before I can say goodbye, I think my thoughts are leaving me too –

You'll Never Understand...You'll never understand...
But I'm glad you don't.
Because that would mean
You'd have to go through my pain.
And I'd never wish that
For you.

Dear fucked society,Dear fucked up society,
Why do you take our rights?
Our human rights?
To who we love?
To who we are.. To our image?
Tell me.

You force images down our throat;
Images of airbrushed, false looking
people. You want people to look
more skinny and cause anorexia,
More along the hidden line that
you dig under the ground like
a dead forgotten body yet always there

You show us that its not right to be gay,
lesbian, bi-sexual or transgendered..
And then wonder why the suicide rate is
so fucking high. You cause the nightmares
and terrors of our family not accepting us
our

Telling Childhood Goodnight.They were the fearless whispers through the starless night.
They were the pounding feet through the cobbled streets,
Screaming out for everything.
They were the fleeting memories of a time long gone by,
Blown away in the wind to a far away sky,
Where the air is cold and the stars never shine.

Memories leave their traces behind,
The scars on my legs from a day long gone by.
I was climbing a rock,
That would forever leave me with a flaw.

They were the youthful cries, screaming out.
They were the glowing eyes, on a fearless march,
Racing down the cobbled streets, blazing out for all to see.
The beacon of light that is now dying out,
I never wanted it to go away.
Everything is changing at a speed I can’t match,
I am drifting further every day.

It makes me want to cry that the best and worst days of my life,
Are being pushed away with every day that passes by.
I want to hold on
But each day I lose more ground.
Soon they will be gone without even a sound.

Th

Sleeping Beautyshe’s in love with a character who
never existed but in the labyrinth of her head:
a patchwork composition of beautiful, lengthy words
she’d heard in her catatonic state; coma living
day in and day out, reliant on the salvation
of a man made of foreign wishing
and imperfection and necessity – an ignorance
of the less than ideal perception of self she’d
come to fear, absention stained romantic to the point
where daydreams were a standard for survival

(real living is for the purposeful of heart,
he loves her in her sleep)

Silent and GoneAlong the blue streams of those who were simplistically glassed, I drag my wooden, empty coffin; it contains only my past.

For the many decades I've lengthened have expanded pain's time; across shallow mountains and beatings I prepare my final climb.

Through harsh mists and soft grasses the journey trembles on; days on end without my voices; alas, I realize they are gone.

Near all abandonment's shelter I rest without ease; my halved demon appears before me; she speaks hellishly in the breeze.

Forgiveness and hallucination she crisply burns in my eyes; I must awaken and continue, 'tis my time to remain wise.

To a judging stream near the g

I don't fight fair...Cut, bruised, scraped, forgotten. These things I have all been at least once in my life. But it
hasn't made me stronger, just more determined in my fight to live another day.
I know the ways of my attackers, studied their movements, learned their tricks and gleamed
their true motives. I have seen their weaknesses, their faults, theirs flaws and I have kept
them close to me, ready for use when the next time we meet.
They are cautious of me, they have weary from my adaptive ways, knowing that I can fall only
so many times. They are scared for I have the key to their defeat; not by sane ways, but by
the ways they fear to tread.
One look, one stare, one gesture and they will run in fear for the truth is upon them: "I won't
live restrained anymore."
"I have seen your errors an played on them like strings on a violin. Moved you to place were I
make the rules. Put you on display for all to see what you have done, and what will be done."

You ha

the carbon footprint of an arsonistyour crystal promise
rings drip off your glacial
fingers into global

nothings. the geodesic
dome you used to live in
is a hell you keep

clean-shaven and concentric,
spiraling away from you,
wrapping your unborn

children up in paper goblets.
for minimum wage, any geryon
would cling to the terza rima

inkblots on your
collarbones, his spongy molars
diving into your right

angles, his familiar laughs
killing your skin with
shivering cuddles and you

shudder, being self-diagnosed
at center of the universe,
your hair a nest of radio

waves, the one cosmic
principle drumming on the ancient
heart of mystery.

but amateur porn always
made you cry

Happily AloneHonesty,
She does not have,
Personalities,
She has many of them.

A million shields,
a million personalities,
She's always changing,
to fit every person around her.

If one were to ask why,
she would answer with,
I will never reveal my weaknesses,
because she's evil.

She hates everyone,
stupider than her is barely tolerable,
smarter than her is too scary,
She hates it all.

She leaves the world behind,
To one she has dreamt of,
No color,
nobody else.

Then,
she will smile,
why,
because she is truly happy alone.

She is not evil,
She does not hate you,
She is not dishonest,
She simply wants to be alone.

lifelinesI fear the sound of sparrows
and the density of leaves
against dew-muffled blades
of grass,

and I'm drowning
in the sky.

My skin has learned how
to peel itself off
without causing a commotion
in my marrows or
even show the slightest hint
of pain,
and my heart has learned how
to hush the stars in their wake
and keep it all a secret.

There's a sea in my mouth
and I can't swim.

There are lifelines
cast like these and it will
all end with the same tragedy.

The WaitingBones hang from trees
Hollow windchimes rattling
In the sullen breeze

Dark clouds make noonday dusk
Rusted buttons on threadbare coats
Sorrow drips like rain

(From the fingertips of this dead-rose day)

Hoofprints kill the grass
Where the dark horse steps
The rider unsmiling

The tired and ill amble about
Cattle awaiting the shoulder tap
To sleep, but not to dream

(To become whatever the second birth dictates)

of seafoam thronesFrom Atlas’ hands she wept to me,
atop Africas and South Atlantics;

this is one situation unaffected by
ember eyes and windy lashes
(it has no anatomy).

You are sparrows stranded
in tiny crevices and cliffside love,
though you rebuke flight
in the fear of chipping feathers.

So what do you do?

You reach for my soul,
coveting flight with shaking
dainty arms…

and perhaps I’ll let you:
With flytrap lips and
glass shaped hips…
you are unfit for anything but
sight.

(But beauty isn’t everything)

A Charmed LifeDoll-faced men and sinkholes, ancient tombstones
Leaves piled ankle-deep, falling down
Old wells, old graves, old friends lost
Pirate adventures in Neverland
Don't go into that barn

Ponchoboy and Rangergirl rise from the ashes
From the cold river, from afar
Remember before they were born, how they
Held hands and jumped into the world
Don't go into that school

Ladybugs, pennies, notes from the dead sun eclipse
Scrape the inside of your skull for clues
All the old dreams are still there, petrified
You are a rock of ages gibbering
Don't go into that factory

Ashes on the SandWe put you in
a crystal box
small enough for me
to hold in my
hands
(and that thought gives me
chill bumps)
The tide was high
where we took you
and I remember thinking
how pointless it was
(you were just going to wash
up on the shore)
Everyone was quiet
and some people cried
and as you were tossed
out to sea like so
many grains of sand
I thought how much
I missed you
(Now I think how much
I hate you
for leaving)

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Unholy LoveYou say you've been tainted
That your heart is pitch black
Wrapped in undying flame
A train who's gone off the track

What you say might be true
But I find that so appealing
Innocence never lasts
And darkness is revealing

I see an angel with black wings
Who doesn't care if she's pure
Fire that burns hot and wild
You've got such a dark allure

Your eyes contain many secrets
They are piercing and seductive
Unholy love is enticing
Why should it be destructive

You're a little taste of hell
I'd gladly give up my soul
Perhaps you'll take my heart
Or better yet take me whole

I'm venturing into your darkness
With no desire to retu

Dig DeepBehind this shell of darkness
Lurks a world filled with light
I've got more than pain to offer
To those who approach me right

I can't force anyone to be here
Or be somebody that I'm not
What lurks inside is sincere
Perhaps you should give me a shot

I'm all for exploring people
But they have to open up as well
And play the game of give and take
Otherwise they can go to hell

Why should I bother wasting time
On those who aren't willing to give
Those who would come only to take
Are the ones I can't forgive

Take the time to dig down deep
As there is warmth beneath the surface
I'll accept you as you are
Just be sure to dig in wit

Another Angel DownDrag another angel down
Pull him down into your hell
Seduce him with deception
Make him wish he was mortal

Flowers hang from the gate
White petals burning bright
The devilish lock craves tribute
It demands internal light

Take the souls of willing men
Devour each and every one
Offer an intricate illusion
A world in which you are the sun

You reside in the tenth circle
Dante never told a soul
Inferno is a home to you
In hell you are in control

You've brought down another angel
Dragged him down into the fire
Used his soul as a sacrifice
Trying to summon what you desire

Tired of FightingDress me up and lay me down
I didn't want to fight anymore
Take a moment to shut my eyes
Living was such a chore

In that moment I accepted death
Because it gave me what I wanted
An end to all the madness
For once my head isn't haunted

Wipe your tears and let me go
In the end I just wanted peace
But couldn't find it in this world
So I engineered my release

I'm sorry to those I left behind
Even the ones who didn't try
For choosing to be so selfish
And using my right to die

At long last I can leave this place
My soul has been set free
Despite the lid over my face
Closed eyes can finally see

Hidden AwayDrop the key into the depths
Watch it sink just like a stone
Be sure to throw the chest in after
Some things are better left alone

Perhaps it's better this way
Sometimes the truth should be concealed
Why bother trying to spread the wealth
Treasures don't have to be revealed

Strike a match and hold it close
Leave the map behind to burn
Nobody needs to find this place
You've got no reason to return

What's locked inside remains a mystery
This is how it's supposed to be
Maybe someday someone will find out
By either chance or destiny

Even if someone finds the way here
Deep waters they may not deprive
After all it's just another c

A Return to DarknessI wished they'd hang me from a cross,
And let me pay the price with my own loss,
To end all the pain that we all share,
Because in life we have too much to bear.

These are the thoughts I used to think,
Each day I lived right on the brink,
Despite all the pain I still meant well,
All I wanted was to escape hell.

Back in those days I was so withdrawn,
There weren't any friends to call upon,
My life was lived inside my head,
Which is why I dreamed of being dead.

Looking back I just wanted to die,
So in my mind I'd create reasons why,
Those selfish dreams needed to be justified,
For others I dreamed of being crucified.

Sometimes I

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Submitted: March 26, 2011
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Disconnection Notice

by ~AzialSilvara, Mar 26, 2011, 7:24:00 PM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

There is a point of no return
That some connections meet
In life you've got to live and learn
When bonds break rinse and repeat

It's a ruthless act to cut the cord
But sometimes there is no choice
Distant memories stab just like a sword
Fading words don't have a voice

An objective outlook may seem cold
But it helps stop the machine
Windows to the past hurt just to hold
Letting go works like morphine

For a while you just won't feel at all
But in time the clock restarts
What once seemed huge will soon grow small
Only time can heal scarred hearts

Though it's possible to bring bonds back
They aren't the same as they once were
It's like repairing a window with a crack
Though it's gone you'll remember

Disconnection Noticeby ~AzialSilvara

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

Lately I've been reflecting on past bonds that have fallen apart, ties that I've cut with people for one reason or another, and the emotional process that comes along with it all. It\'s quite fascinating to think about actually, but at the same time it can be quite depressing. Such is life though eh?

This particular poem talks about just that, and I\'m very happy with how it turned out. It was probably the quickest poem I've written lately as it just seemed to jump together like a puzzle waiting to be completed. The language wasn't anything fancy, but it didn't need to be to get the point across. This poem feels more direct, deep, emotional, and in your face then other poems I've written this year. It\'s nice..

As always feedback is appreciated. I'd love to know what you think of this poem, what you take from it, and how it makes you feel. Cheers!

`thetaoofchaos Mar 30, 2011 Hobbyist Writer

A somber reflection on the nature of change.

One observation; did you mean to say:

They aren't the same as they once were

~AzialSilvara Mar 31, 2011 Hobbyist Writer

Ha, I suppose I did.

!0Demonic-Angel0 Mar 28, 2011 Hobbyist Writer

Ah, yes, life is certainly depressing at times. I like this poem; it's straight forward in its original message--yet, as you say, it definitely hits you--and everything just flows perfectly... Nice, indeed. Excellent work.

~AzialSilvara Mar 29, 2011 Hobbyist Writer

Thanks!

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Disconnection Noticeby ~AzialSilvara

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