I don't know what it's like to be in love
Or whether I should be bothered by that or not
Years ago I thought I knew
But whatever I thought I knew has been forgotten
When I was younger I was enthralled by it
It was probably the closest thing I've done to drugs
The highs were euphoric and the lows ruined me
But it was just a chapter and time marched on
I don't know if I'm willing to try loving again
Or whether I'd let anyone get that close to me
Being vulnerable is a requirement
And I haven't been vulnerable in a very long time
Even the concept is like a dusty old book tucked away
The sort of thing put in a box and left in the attic
My wi
I've found it's tough to look back
To read through poems I've pieced together
As they stir up thoughts and feelings
Reminders of the person I've been
When reflecting I can be too harsh
I'll pull who I've been to pieces
Driven mostly by embarrassment
All things considered that's probably normal
It's not as if I hate all that I was
But there are pieces I detest
Fragments that make me sad and ashamed
How very human of me I suppose
I think most of us are pretty hard on ourselves
Finding a negative lens isn't exactly hard
While there are things I'd rather forget
There were positives back then too
And so sometimes I will look back
Or read thro
Sometimes it takes everything you have just to move
To push yourself up off the couch and take steps
In order to do something simple like check the mail
Just to grab an invoice to pay a monthly bill
There are periods where each day will blend together
Monotonous days bleeding out to the ticking of the clock
And that clock ticks so goddamn slowly
Each second is an eternity spent in one's head
Sometimes all you want to do is stare emptily at walls
The lack of energy may as well be paralysis
At times you wish to embrace the vacancy and succumb to it
Because there's no seeing past the blackened fog
Depression obscures supports like clouds
Tormented by the tug of war
I turn to words for peace
Entwined with someone I abhor
There will be no release
The scales they tip back and forth
Between disgust and self-love
I'm never sure of what I'm worth
Uncertainly fits like a glove
Long have I been torn apart
By what I value, think and believe
Each day is a brand new start
For all the tangled webs I weave
What a very human struggle
To have perceptions so convoluted
How the passing seconds muddle
Presenting questions stark and muted
Here's to cognitive dissonance
And the discomfort that it entails
Mask each conflict with indifference
While driving one's self off the rails
I've written words of loneliness
And of feelings gone their way
Spent years now bleeding myself dry
Weaving the words I don't convey
At times I've written about people
Or perhaps how they make me feel
Many poems were born from silent pain
Drawn from the depths I don't reveal
It begun with a creative spark
That gave way to coals but rarely fire
Once words were fueled by emotion
As very little would inspire
Words of love grew with a flourish
Consequent heartbreak was a gold mine
Sappy lines always felt like bubbles
Unlike the stars words did align
In retrospect I've shared far too much
I miss the days I had more time
To pour into all the
Looking back, I can't recall when things were enough
And that in itself is a sobering realization
There's always been just one more step to take
Yet another thing to go out and accomplish
This isn't to say one shouldn't take steps forward
But I've been so wrapped up in what I haven't done
In who I'm not, in what I haven't acquired
Why did I learn to perceive this way
How can I love myself yet reinforce this inadequacy
When did this endless loop of reaching begin
Wading into it wasn't a conscious decision
That being said, I've been stuck in it all the same
Over the millennia humanity has evolved and adapted
With all that I still can't mea
The Handling Of Slivers by AzialSilvara, literature
Literature
The Handling Of Slivers
It's amazing what people carry around
What manages to become embedded over time
Often without our realizing it
Until these things rise to the surface
I'm baffled by the burdens we shoulder
By the wool we wear over our eyes
We all fight such intricate battles
Woven throughout the fabric of our being
It hurts to know just how debilitating it can be
To go through life with this invisible baggage
Because struggling in silence is normal
And because speaking up is shame
I don't even know what I'm supposed to do
As I unearth through these poem inspiring slivers
Or how to alter the impact they've had
Upon my psyche and upon my heart
In the end
Feelings can be such confusing things
They're fluid and free-flowing
Often they'll catch us off guard
Bubbling up in unexpected ways
At times they're volatile and capricious
Spurring us to hasty decisions
But they're also so deep and passionate
In sorrow, joy and love
I've a firm grasp of my emotions
Yet there is something I don't understand
Why I'm so afraid of them
Or where the guilt comes from
My feelings are often locked up or buried
Invalidated or smothered
Almost exclusively by myself
For someone so expressive I repress a lot
In this moment I am warm and fuzzy
Drinking in something stale and chaotic
Though here I am as always
Lost
Warped By Misconceptions by AzialSilvara, literature
Literature
Warped By Misconceptions
Misconceptions can warp the mind
Truth isn't always a cure
Often the two become entwined
Doubt haunts the insecure
Sometimes it's not enough to see
Reality staring you in the eye
Perception is no guarantee
One cannot exorcise with why
How tightly we hold on to things
Even when they do us harm
As if bound by chains or cruel strings
By a trap we can't disarm
If understanding could offer peace
Would it ease a troubled heart
Might it lead the way to sweet release
Allow a miasma to depart
Could it correct a course gone wrong
To assuage misplaced conviction
Silence the voice of sorrow's song
Or at least explain the affliction
Answers found a
Bonds dissolve as time goes on
If they are not maintained
They're bittersweet when incomplete
Intact but ever strained
It hurts to know that we're at fault
As old treasures slip away
Do we take in stride each suicide
Or on our conscience do they weigh
We participate in who we keep
Though it's not always our decision
Feelings we spawn go on and on
Old sparks may ache for a revision
Relationships aren't static things
How we often long for what they were
What's embedded deep will often keep
Some things take too long to mature
Our bonds are so often overlooked
We'll often assume that they're secure
Until we discover our fraying threads
And me